Train of Thought

Life, has lost its meaning…
here I remain… helpless in a timeless world.
Absorbed by this feeling.
Torn by the truth,
swallowed by nothingness.

I let my feet guide me through
this twisted reality.
Drown my existence in
a whirlpool of uncertainty.
Seeking refuge.
Seeking escape.

And so… I travel.

I seek the city to heal my troubles…
hoping its sounds
will deafen that voice,
hoping its sights
blind my perception,
hoping its skyscrapers
cast a shadow over my pain.

All I’ve sought is useless.
I’m weak.
I’m vulnerable.
I’m lost.

I look towards the sky,
hoping the sunlight gives me direction.
I wait endlessly…
and eventually become engulfed by the darkness,
walking myself into a dead end
of unanswered questions.
Empty from exhaustion.
Isolated by choice.

I’ve accepted solitude as
my only means of comfort,
travel, as my only means
to cope.

I go through cycles to suppress the memories.
Living, because I have to.
Living, because this isn’t worth dying for.

I’ve made a mistake,
never once thinking regret would haunt me.
I’m being killed on the inside.
Only now do I know,
it’s my fault.

I’m forced to wake up
and face the fact I exist.
Not knowing if my travels
will ever subside.
I must free my grasp
of everything I’ve known…
rebuild myself,
through the passage of time.

Written by A.A. (circa 2002)

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